Aries: Some people are rubber, some are glue, but you’re thrift store Teflon, so not even you know what will stick. Be safe and avoid anyone with eggs, especially chicken supervillains.

Taurus: The Big Bad Wolf is actually a Chihuahua with attitude, so you can relax about that big meeting at work. Wouldn’t hurt to carry some doggie treats, though, because the bark isn’t as bad as the bite.

Gemini: Your dreams are full of million-dollar ideas, so keep a pen and paper by your bed on Tuesday. Someone, somewhere, would pay for Justin Timberlake-flavored tongue depressors.

Cancer: Life is a series of moments, and the one at 3:09 p.m. Wednesday will take you by surprise. Pack some clean underwear and possibly an alibi.

Leo: Knowing all the answers won’t win you points, but stumping the teacher with some questions of your own might do the trick. Cross your fingers and hope your guru doesn’t have Google.

Virgo: You draw all the attention on Saturday, but your so-called friend shows up to the party with an eraser. Make that mojo permanent with a Magic Marker, and she’ll never close her eyes around you again.

Libra: Lighten up, because it’s not about winning; what matters is how you play the game. And who has the most followers on Twitter. That totally counts, too.

Scorpio: The truth can be hard to swallow, which is why bars and taverns exist. If you can’t handle that bitter little pill, wash it down with a pina colada or two. At closing time you’ll likely acquire a whole new set of ugly truths that will distract you from the initial one.

Sagittarius: Everyone in your crowd is a superhero, but your friends are the Justice League while you’re the Wonder Twin who can turn into a puddle. At least you can get the bad guys’ socks unpleasantly damp while everyone else saves the world.

Capricorn: When it comes to a project, there’s the wrong way, the right way and your way. Guess which one requires duct tape, four clothes hangers and an empty ice cube tray? If you can’t conquer your competition, you can definitely confuse them.

Aquarius: You’re jumpier than Larry the Cable Guy wearing a poison ivy thong. Say something embarrassing if you wish, because it won’t be your face that’s red. You’ll find your true friends when you mention the word “lotion.”

Pisces: Just when you least expect it, the universe throws you a party with cake, balloons and presents. If you’ve been very good, you might even be invited this time.

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