Aries: No man is an island, but sometimes you can be a real peninsula. Work on your social skills before your co-workers decide to cut you off and set you adrift.
Taurus: Quit worrying about Black Friday and focus your concerns on Brown Wednesday. Maybe you should check the expiration dates in your fridge a little more often.
Gemini: It’s the little things in life that matter, like the Legos you find with your bare feet at three a.m. or the lizard your kids set loose in Grandma’s suitcase. Make a decision now to drink their inheritance away in Vegas.
Cancer: Just your luck: you decide to meet the train of despair head-on, and you smash face first into one of those Wile E. Coyote tunnel paintings. Guess you’ll just have to endure a good day.
Leo: Knowledge is power, and you rule the land on Thursday because you’re the only one who knows the wi-fi password. If your subjects get mouthy, shut off the router for a few hours, then sit back and smile.
Virgo: Everyone loves a parade, except when it’s a freaky walk of shame out of your bedroom on Sunday morning. Maybe your idea of a hot date should aim higher than when the circus is in town.
Libra: You know it all, but somewhere there’s an 11-year-old kid who can think circles around you. Inject a little humility in your attitude before she slaps you down on Twitter.
Scorpio: Life is like a buffet: the fish sticks are soggy and you have no idea how long that pie has been there. But hey, sometimes the reward is worth the risk. Just steer clear of the pork soufflé.
Sagittarius: A wise man once said “Dude, that is messed up.” Sure, he may have been talking about the latest episode of Empire rather than your life, but you get the message.
Capricorn: Let love lift you higher and carry you on silver, tinkly wings, unless it gets a leg cramp and drops your butt by the Sunglass Hut. In that case, just take the escalator. It’s safer.
Aquarius: Happiness is a warm puppy; relief is getting that puppy on a leash and out the door before something even warmer comes out. Compromise and aim for satisfaction this weekend, when you make the kids do all the running.
Pisces: You can march to your own drum, but you’ve always been more of a guitar shredder. Grab your axe and lay down some wicked rhythms. The world will nod its head in time with your tune.