Aries: Your brain wants full speed ahead, but your tush keeps going backward and two steps to the left toward the couch. Get everything in gear and going the same direction, and you’ll win the day. Or at least make it to the mailbox.
Taurus: Don’t be intimidated by angry birds. There are far worse things you can imagine, like vengeful birds who just had a full lunch and spot your freshly washed car.
Gemini: Progress feels slow, but you look like a speeding jackrabbit to someone on the outside. Once you hop over the finish line, you’ll see just how far you’ve come.
Cancer: You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both because they’re in a clearance bin at Walmart. Don’t worry, you’ll figure out how to use 20 pounds of slightly iffy margarine.
Leo: Fighting the universe is like playing Twister with an octopus. Sooner or later, you’re going to get all tangled up. Relax, do some stretches, and take each turn as it comes.
Virgo: Sure, you’re good enough to go pro in the Paper Airplane League, but are you positive you want to leave behind all those accounting groupies who just want you to fill in their spreadsheets? Tough choice.
Libra: The road of life always has a few bumps. Those you can deal with, it’s the washed out bridge, the sinkhole, the chainsaw-wielding hitchhikers and the spiked speed strips you have to watch out for. You can do it, you’re a master of Mario Kart.
Scorpio: You’re a tuba player in Karma’s marching band on Wednesday: full of sass and air. Swing that swag and show off your moves. There could be a tuba scout in the audience waiting to catch the next big star.
Sagittarius: On Monday, you’re less “Flight of the Bumblebees” and more “Rolling of the Dung Beetles.” At least you can pack all the crap your job throws at you into one tight ball.
Capricorn: Dance like no one’s watching, because they’re all glued to Pokemon Go right now. The only way you’ll get attention is by prancing naked with a Snorlax painted on your belly. Sometimes you don’t want to catch them all.
Aquarius: You see an opportunity, but it doesn’t see you. Walk up to it, take its glasses off, clean them and give them back. That should make a first impression, unless it screams and blasts you with pepper spray.
Pisces: Your head is always in the clouds, which explains why your neck is so stiff and achy. Do something different; stretch out on the grass and watch the clouds roll by. They’ll be grateful to not get caught in your eyebrows for a while.