What is this? Probably a purple nurple on the actual business of astrology, but Wisecrack Zodiac is also a regular newspaper column as well. In 2013, Wisecrack Zodiac won second place in the National Society of Newspaper Columnists contest, humor division for newspapers under 50,000.  Don’t worry, WZ hasn’t gone wild over the win, although the certificate would probably like some alone time now and then.

As always, don’t take the horoscopes you read here too seriously. If you do, we are not responsible for the emotional well being of any ferrets currently in your underpants. And you probably need some shots about now.