Aries: You finally catch a break! Make sure it’s not so small you have to throw it back or risk getting fined. If it measures up, go ahead and invite the park rangers to the party.

Taurus: You’re laying on the fertilizer, but nothing is coming up roses yet. Lay off the crap long enough to plant some seeds, and then water well with the tears of your enemies. Specifically, Fran who works in HR.

Gemini: Some are born to run, but you were born to skip, crabwalk and occasionally lose a shoe. Hop over that finish line without getting your good socks dirty, and you’ll impress them all.

Cancer: Find your happy place, but be prepared to kick out some squatters and hire a cleaning crew. Maybe you should redecorate too. That 1970s paneling has to go.

Leo: Lean over. A little more. To the left now. There, now the world has slid off your shoulders. Go get a massage to soothe out the kinks, because that worked to death look is so last year.

Virgo: For everyone else, life is a roller coaster, filled with highs, lows and screaming children. For you, life is like riding the teacups. Boring with an occasional bump. Find the exit and get in line for the real thing.

Libra: There’s nothing you can’t accomplish with an amazing attitude, a warehouse of chocolate, and a hard drive of compromising photos. It helps if the photos are of someone else. Go after that promotion!

Scorpio: Each day you take a step toward greatness, but now you need to work on doing it in a straight line. You and success have been playing a dry land version of “Marco Polo” for far too long.

Sagittarius: A dog is man’s best friend, because it can’t spill your secrets. Your canine companion can, however, learn to text and use the camera app, so make sure you buy the good treats from now on.

Capricorn:You may be on Cloud 9 now, but there’s no escalator to Cloud 10 and you can’t connect to Uber. Hang out for a while; enjoy your lofty perch and later rate it on Airbnb.

Aquarius: A blast from the past lifts your spirits and your skirt. They may make you feel sixteen again, but they aren’t in a time machine. You still have to take your meds and be in bed by 10.

Pisces: If you stay curled in a ball long enough, someone’s going to grab you and toss you in the air for a few points. Uncurl and claim your space, but do it when they don’t expect it so the scream echoes for miles.

Advertisements