You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘star trek’ category.

Aries: Rough day? Normally we’d say don’t let the turkeys get you down, but it’s really the chickens you need to watch. Especially that one with the mean eyes and tiny brass knuckles.

Taurus: You’ll draw on your inner Captain Kirk this week when you meet an alien hottie in need. Rip off your shirt and avoid all that logic telling you to stay away, or you could get Spockblocked.

Gemini: Negative thoughts are like chiggers, burrowing deep under your skin.  You need some bug spray for the soul, preferably with a nice citrus scent to give your aura that tangy orange feel.

Cancer: On Thursday, the universe is playing your favorite song so get out and enjoy the groove. Expect a movie-style montage of happy, screwball moments along the way.

Leo: There are worse addictions than work: Justin Bieber and ham-flavored Fanta come to mind. Still, try to take some quality time off before someone makes you go cold turkey with something even scarier: a vacation.

Virgo: You have all the right moves, you’re just cursed with the wrong timing. Hold in those inhibitions until someone tells you to let go; your Thriller dance may liven up the parent-teacher conference, but it won’t do much for your kid’s grades.

Libra: You’re stepping more carefully than Spider-Man in a room full of Raid. Forget showing off your web-slinging style, just find the door before you end up a crunchy bug on someone’s windsill.

Scorpio: That moment in the sun lasted far too long, and now your mood is red, sore and in need of some aloe vera. Find a cool, dark corner before someone’s tempted to slap you.

Sagittarius: From the tiniest seed, the mightiest tree can grow, but only under the right conditions. With all the crap people dump on you this week, you could end up a redwood.

Capricorn: It’s true that beauty is skin-deep; few models appear on magazine covers without it. But you might look even deeper to find a perfect match. True gorgeousness includes putting up with your antics.

Aquarius: Life is like Monopoly; some days you’re the car, some days you’re the shoe, but at least you’re still on the board. Heave up your Community Chest, because you may collect $200 to pass Go before the day is done.

Pisces: If you achieve your goal of doing nothing this summer, your days will be Harry Potter and the Deathly Boredom. At least pick up a book and a bag of Chee-tos to sustain you. True, fluorescent food may not be healthy, but it’s better than the latest Bertie Bott’s bean flavor: Dog Dragging Butt on Carpet.

Photo credit: Flickr: nrbelex

Since 2010 Dragon*Con is coming up soon, it’s the perfect time for some Klingon horoscopes. So pour some bloodwine, get comfy, and see what the week has in store!

Saturday: Today is a good day to die. Or to recite some love poetry. Either way, you could be screwed.

Sunday: Spend some time unwinding with fresh gagh and stale opera. No, there will not be any fighting for glory on this day, so don’t get your forehead in a bunch; this week will challenge you quite well.

Monday: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Expect to gain much strength in line at the DMV today.

Tuesday: Your foe will challenge your authority over the photocopier. Sharpen your bat’leth and prepare for battle.

Wednesday: A date night goes wrong when you and your mate have different definitions of ‘polishing the torpedo.’ Not everyone has a strict weapons maintenance schedule like you, so make up by breaking a few walls together.

Thursday: You see an opportunity for advancement, but be warned: the Klingon way of promotion is only approved on this world for bankers, lawyers and politicians. And extremely annoying celebrities.

Friday: Your friend requests on QaplaBook are piling up fast because everyone wants you around when the zombie apocalypse comes. They know that throwing zombies at a Klingon is like sticking a hot dog in a window fan. When it all goes down, keep your blades sharp and let the parts fly.

Listen to your WZ horoscope every Monday on KBJB Internet Radio!

counter for wordpress