Flickr/Remko van Dokkum

Aries: Each day blows in something new: sometimes it’s a basket filled with flowers. Most of the time, it’s a snout full of pollen.  Take some Benadryl and relax; the weekend arrives faster when you’re unconscious.

Taurus: Everyone tells you to reach for your dreams, but no one mentions how. If you don’t have a ladder, try piling up all those old magazines in a corner. You’ll work harder to grab that dream if the alternative is a slow slide down Paper Cut Mountain.

Gemini: Get ready for smooth sailing this week. Just in time, too, because last week was like riding a jet ski through a shark-infested thunderstorm. No one needs to see that many teeth taking a bite out of their own butts.

Cancer: Go through life thinking you know all the answers, and the universe will just bump you up to a harder level in the game. Quit looking for cheat codes and enjoy the mystery for a while.

Leo: You’ve worked your way up to an impressive one-man band, but the music doesn’t sound as sweet. Lay off a few of the kazoos, and take out the whole string section. Your chafed thighs will thank you.

Virgo: While you believe you’re an art visionary, your family has other ideas. Set aside the duct tape and fish scales for now and get a real job that involves wearing pants. You can always work on becoming a mermaid during your leisure time.

 Libra: A good bout of soul-searching should be about exploring your inner depth, not whistling to find it like a lost poodle. Next time, keep a leash on that thing, plus a pooper-scooper for when you next step in it.

Scorpio: At work, you’re second to none, but in love, you’re not even on the scoreboard. Go out Saturday night and work that mojo. You could land that half-court free throw and end up in someone’s highlight reel on Sunday morning.

Sagittarius: Quit pouting when life gives you lemons. Instead, figure out what else life is growing in that backyard garden. Maybe you can trade up for some juicy strawberries or a nice, firm eggplant.

Capricorn: You’re feeling so good, you laugh in the face of danger. There’s a 40 percent chance that danger can take a joke, and a 60 percent chance you’ll be walking home with your shoes hanging from your ears.

 Aquarius: You’ve been so busy looking for the negative, you haven’t noticed that fantastic opportunity right in front of you. Quit digging through the dirt, brush yourself off and take that positive new beginning out for a fancy coffee with caramel drizzle.

Pisces: Even when you’ve left a trail of bread crumbs, you have a hard time finding your way home. Ask the birds for directions; they owe you after all those free snacks.

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