Aries: You’re usually like morning coffee: hot, strong and scorching a lot of laps. This week, though, you’re upping your game to espresso, so be prepared to see a lot of trembling in your presence. Give those poor suckers a break, they can’t help but be addicted to you.

Taurus: New ideas don’t sneak up on you often, so when a winning proposition gooses you on Tuesday you might need to change your underwear as well as your thinking.

Gemini: An ill wind blows into your life on Sunday, but don’t worry; it’s just looking for some flu medicine and a hot toddy.  Take care of it, and it will blow some good fortune in your Kleenex.

Cancer: If you ask for help tending your garden, you’re likely to get all fertilizer and no water. Cut the crap and plant your own seeds of wisdom. No one knows your back forty like you do, especially after  that lonely summer at band camp.

Leo: You’re handing out advice like Cinnabon coupons, but your words don’t rise to the occasion. Freshen up your recipe with a dash of Nutella and orange, and people will knock down your door for your tasty counsel.

Virgo: You’ll have a touch-and-go Tuesday, a slap-and-tickle Saturday and a Friday so grabby you’ll need a taser. This is the wrong week to try out those new Daisy Dukes while directing traffic.

Libra:The journey of a lifetime often begins with a single step. If you don’t have the right pair of strappy heels for walking off the beaten path, just stay home and hop on the Internet. You can travel the world and be emotionally damaged in the comfort of your own living room.

Scorpio: Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they do open the door for a fantastic weekend. Keep a bag handy with the essentials; wine, almond oil, and your sequined superhero cape.

Sagittarius: Sure, you can enjoy that golden egg, but why not get dressed up and go find the farmer with a flock of those geese? One gander at your gams and he’ll honk only for you.

Capricorn: Some think you’re all work and no play, but that’s only because they haven’t seen what you do with five rolls of toilet paper and the Keurig machine once everyone’s gone. Remember to smile for the security cameras this time.

Aquarius: Your imagination is running faster than a pack of wild hamsters. Creativity is nice, but those furballs could be making you some money. Grab a wheel and a vodka-filled sippy bottle and get some work done.

Pisces: Forget hiking to the top of Mount Everest; you’ll accomplish something great if you put on pants before you check the mailbox out front. One small step for you, one giant sigh of relief for your neighbors.

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