Aries: You can’t always get what you want, but sometimes you can score a 2-for-1 coupon at the expired food emporium. Let others brag about their new cars; you now have a lifetime supply of off-brand Cheetos.

Taurus: It’s a long road ahead to your goal, but you’ve got sunscreen, a thermos and a motorized scooter. Hit the road, because you’re born to be wild. Also, don’t high-center on the speed bumps.

Gemini: Another day is in the can, but you’re hoping for something fresher next time. Ask Karma for one of those meal kits, and you’ll spice things up on Thursday.

Cancer: You think you’ve got everything under control, but not even deluxe Spanx can keep you from showing your butt on Saturday. Take a friend who packs a beach towel in their bag; you’ll need it.

Leo: You’ve expanded your horizons, now it’s time to work on that vertical hold. Ask someone to twirl your antenna a few times. Once they get your message, your evening will be picture perfect.

Virgo: That new fashion design sounded good in your head, but no one will buy outfits made from paper plates stapled together. Think up something better while you’re at the Laundromat, because that prototype could get you arrested.

Libra: Mentally, you’re sleeping in your car, which means your thoughts are all rumpled and you’ve dropped Dorito crumbs in the corners of your brain. Life may be all about the journey, but it’s nice to kick back in a good hotel room along the way.

Scorpio: Flaming drama is fun to watch from a distance, but that shooting star you wished on could be a meteor roaring your way. Be ready to jump high or wish for a jet pack.

Sagittarius: It’s fine to put all your eggs in one basket, as long as you don’t mind omelets. If you fall, get back up, pick out the shell bits and chop some spinach. Sometimes failure leads to the brand new recipes.

Capricorn: Your best moves are those no one can see, and that’s okay. Feel free to join those angels dancing on the head of a pin, and remember to bring your mixtape and a disco ball. They’ll appreciate the new groove.

Aquarius: Personal growth is good, but you should probably have someone look at that thing blooming on your pinky toe. Also, start wearing flip-flops in the gym locker room.

Pisces: Finding it tough to pin your thoughts down? Set out a trap with a box propped up with a stick, and some string, Wile E. Coyote-style. Capture those ideas with a few cupcakes, and they’ll be happy to stay around.