Aries: From a tiny acorn, a might oak will grow. Hide under some leaves until you take root, and watch for squirrels. With luck, you’ll be reaching for the sky or end up as a lovely end table at the crafters market.

Taurus: Watch out for strange ferrets bearing gifts. They never guess your right size, and they always forget the receipt.

Gemini: The people who say “no pain, no gain” must have stock in the ibuprofen industry. Quit smashing yourself over the head with that giant hammer and things will clear up.

Cancer: Look at the person on your left. They have a secret. Tickle them until they spill it, so you both have something awkward to bond over during the day.

Leo: Success isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but who wants a cracked, beat-up achievement? Seek out something twisted instead. That’s more your speed.

Virgo: Tough times call for tough people, but mix in some kindness. After you lay down the law, tuck it in with a teddy bear and a nice bedtime story.

Libra: It’s fine to watch the new 50 Shades movie together, but try that thing with the spoon and you can forget any forking for a while. Your honey might like that spatula trick from the racy romance novel The List, though.

Scorpio: You’ve always gotten by on the sweat of your brow and the skin of your teeth, so a good facial and dental appointment are really in order. Treat yourself, and let your personality do the heavy lifting for a while.

Sagittarius: Every day, you take one step forward, two steps back. You may not make progress, but your dance moves are improving. Throw some hip action into your routine tomorrow.

Capricorn: Things are tense with your boss, but you can make it better with your famous Chocolate Drizzle Fudge Cake. This time, leave out the Ex-Lax, and your week will be much smoother.

Aquarius: Excitement awaits you on Friday, but why make it stand outside in the cold? Invite it in for some cocoa on Thursday while you find the perfect outfit in your closet for bikini bowling in the snow.

Pisces: New opportunities are like cats: they’re never where you expect them to be, and they will knock stuff off your table if you ignore them. Give them your full attention this week.