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I started Wisecrack Zodiac in 2008, and it’s been the little blog that could for ten years! To celebrate, here’s one of the first horoscope columns from February 2008. It’s a bit of retro fun for you all. Thanks for reading and following! Here’s to the next ten years!

Aries: If you keep looking under rocks for love, you won’t find anything that will survive in sunlight.  Stand up, wash the mud off and take a walk. Cupid hits you when you least expect it, far away from naughty newts.

Taurus: Time to update your worldview; even Henry VIII would call you old-fashioned. Open a window to your mind and be patient: it takes time for all that dust and mildew to clear out.

Gemini: This week, you’re the angel of inspiration, spreading great ideas far and wide. Take a few for yourself, so when you feel the devil of distraction tapping on your shoulder, you can ignore his Facebook game invites.

Cancer: You need to go out dancing this weekend, but you’re wound too tight. If you shake your groove thang, you’ll pop a cog. Loosen up with a few disco moves by the photocopier. With luck, the boss will ask you to start your weekend early.

Leo: Music soothes the savage breast, but nothing can tame that vicious tushie of yours. Pull those leather pants out of the closet and strut your stuff on Tuesday.

Virgo: You’re feeling finer than frog hair on Thursday, and nothing can stop you. Still, slow down with the attitude around your sweetie, or you’ll be toad off.

Libra: Decisions can be hard, but it’s much easier if you pin “yes” and “no” tags on your kids, wait until they wrestle, and tell them the winner gets a new Lego set. Take that, Magic 8-Ball.

Scorpio: Someone’s trying to be the brussel sprouts to your steak, and that won’t work. Tell them to either find a nice tofu to love, or step up and become the baked potato of your dreams. Extra points for sour cream and butter.

Sagittarius: Some days you’re the clothes pin, other days you’re the wire, but on Friday you’re the extra large granny panties blowing in the wind. Find out who’s hanging you out to dry and snap their elastic.

Capricorn: Usually you’re sugar and spice and everything nice, but this week you’re packing some extra cayenne and habanero. If your coworkers try to bite off more than they can chew, you’ll make their eyes water.

Aquarius: As a water sign, you know your way around the pool. It’s time to get out and try something new on Saturday, though, because you’re all pruny and you need to find your land legs again.

Pisces: The world isn’t fair, and you’ve kept the receipts. Time to throw out that extra mental paperwork. The universe is asking you to trust it, so let go and fall back into its arms. After the team-building, there will be a buffet.

 

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