Aries: Instead of taking action, you’re dragging your feet. Expect a nasty shock on Thursday when you finally trudge across the deep pile carpet and open a door.

Taurus: You don’t walk in quiet beauty as much as you skitter in static disarray. Go find your other sock, take your underwear down off the ceiling fan and tackle the day ahead.

Gemini: There’s a treasure out in the open, and you’re the only one who spots it. Be cool, and try to restrain yourself from dancing in the streets. You can let out all that excited shrieking after you’ve scooped up that gold and made it your own.

Cancer: While everyone else is climbing Mount Everest, you’re the only one with a jetpack. Give them all a headstart before you fire it up and zoom up to collect your prize.

Leo: You don’t want the answers given to you on a silver platter, but you’re not adverse to Karma dropping a few hints on a paper plate. Treat Wednesday like a picnic, and the Universe will give you more than a scoop of potato salad.

Virgo: Don’t worry about being a diamond in the rough; you’re more like a cubic zirconia on sale at Target. You’ll still shine, you’ll just have an afterlife on eBay instead of getting pawned.

Libra: You may think you have all the cool moves, but you look like a hip hop dancer with a bee stuck in her thong. Find a mellow groove, because your health insurance doesn’t cover a sprained booty.

Scorpio: The path ahead isn’t easy, but you’re okay with making progress while cleaning up someone else’s mess. Just remember to yell “What? Am I the only one in this office who knows how to change the toilet paper?” so everyone knows your worth.

Sagittarius: Some days you want to go where everyone knows your name, other days you want to eat your soup in peace. Try taking it on the bus; no one wants to be close to your zebra-butt and leek stew there.

Capricorn: A watched pot never boils, but it does seethe with teenage angst and rebel because it think you don’t trust it enough. If the pot stomps out of the house to spend time with its friends, be glad you still have the skillet.

Aquarius: Everyone needs a hand occasionally, but you didn’t expect so many middle fingers. Next time, just high-five them and leave them to grouse about it on Facebook.

Pisces: You’ve been paralyzed by fear so often, you have a cramp in your foot and a charley horse in your brain. Take a deep breath and a tiny step forward. It will all come back to you as soon as the pins and needles stop.

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