Aries: You don’t have to be the brightest bulb in the pack, but you should at least shine enough light so someone doesn’t stub their toe on the way to the bathroom at 2 a.m. Work harder on your glow, so you won’t be outshone by a kid’s nightlight.

Taurus: An idea pops into your head, and it just might work! Quick, write it down before it’s pushed out by every Beyonce lyric you know. Oops, too late. Should’ve put a ring on it.

Gemini: Life is filled with mysteries, but the one you’re pondering would stump even Nancy Drew. Lock those thoughts away, because no one should think too hard about the ingredients of candy corn-flavored Twinkies.

Cancer: If someone says a picture is worth a thousand words, up the ante to two thousand. Better yet, hold out for Hamilton tickets and a reserved parking space, because that photo you took of the boss and three store mannequins at the Halloween party is worth it.

Leo: You haven’t found your place in life, but don’t worry. Who said it was all assigned seating anyway? Pitch a tent anywhere you like, just don’t get caught in the zipper.

Virgo: Every dog has its day, but the cat has batted a month of Sundays under the fridge. Use them if you need a bit of spare time, just remember to replace them with catnip treats later.

Libra: This Thursday, you can sparkle like a diamond or just sit there like a lump of coal. If you can’t polish yourself up, grab a Spanx bodysuit. That’ll squeeze you into rockhard shape.

Scorpio: The world’s a carnival, and you’re tired of bringing home goldfish in a plastic bag. Work on your moves; your full-force charm can topple bowling pins at 50 paces. Soon you’ll score those giant fluffy unicorns from the top shelf.

Sagittarius: You know you’re hot stuff, even though someone keeps saying you’re cold Spam on a paper plate. Shake some of your ghost pepper sauce on them; they’ll learn that your burn is worse than your bite.

Capricorn: Your house is still packed with relatives, but you’ll clear them out in no time when you wear a bikini made from bologna and Thanksgiving leftovers. Hey, if they didn’t want to see your yams hanging out, they should have left after dessert.

Aquarius: After some rough seas, you’ve found a nifty harbor and docked your boat. Don’t worry if you wobble; you’ll either lose those sea legs or be really entertaining at crosswalks.

Pisces: Some victories are hard-won, while others are passed out like candy. Good thing you know how to sweet-talk Karma for a sugary delight on Friday.