Aries: A situation requires the gentle approach, so set aside the power tools and practice your finger exercises. You’ve already destroyed two iPads and a phone this year, your ham-handed ways are costing you a fortune.
Taurus: Good grief, pull yourself together and keep it that way. Use staples and Velcro if you have to, but reserve the duct tape for last ditch situations. Like Saturday.
Gemini: You don’t have all the answers, but you have enough to bewilder those asking the questions. Remember, the guru on the mountaintop ended up there just so he could get some peace, and better wifi for a Netflix binge.
Cancer:Reach deep inside yourself for the truth you seek. Not that deep, though. If you find something squishy, it’s not the truth, it’s your appendix. Neither one of them need to come out right now.
Leo: The earth may revolve around you, but you don’t have to shine on everyone all the time. Quit poking at those enjoying the shade; they won’t sing your praises, but they might use some interesting hand gestures.
Virgo: Your plan is nearly complete. All you need now is lots of money, time, and a discarded gum wrapper. Take heart, because you already have one of these things. Hustle until you have the other two.
Libra: Someone’s playing the wrong tune for all your right moves. If you can’t fall into step, kick the drum player and change the beat. Or offer him a couch and some pizza. That usually works.
Scorpio: Broaden your horizons this week. Not only does travel and adventure introduce you to new concepts, it also expands your mind. Good thing, too, because you really need more room so you can move around your mental furniture.
Sagittarius: Dance like no one’s watching, sing like you’re in the shower, but text like your grandmother is reading every single one. That goes double for pics. Granny doesn’t want to see your junk.
Capricorn: Your stubbornness is legendary; that’s why the highway makes a loop around your house instead of going through it. Pick your battles carefully on Friday, though. Someone you meet isn’t as easygoing as the guys on the road crew.
Aquarius: Be brave, be bold, and on Thursday, be under the covers with a flashlight until the storm passes. Some things are too weird to face alone, and your back-up won’t arrive until the zombies are gone.
Pisces: You’re feeling out-of-sorts. But really, have you ever been in-sorts? Your everyday mood swings would scare the crap out of a normal person, but it would make a compelling horror movie. Scribble it down and make some cash.