Aries: Be the thing no one expects, like a dozen Legos scattered across the carpet. You’ll have people hopping and screaming in the middle of the night.
Taurus: Monday will be the best of times and the worst of times, and that’s just the first couple of hours before lunch. Pack extra undies, because it’s going to be a long drama llama day.
Gemini: Life is good, so go ahead and sing like a room full of parrots with Adele on Spotify. If you belt out those tunes loud enough, bad luck will hold its ears and run the other direction.
Cancer: The world is your oyster, so laugh at those telling you to shuck it. The longer you keep it happy and fed, the bigger your pearl will be. That’s homegrown bling.
Leo: You’re a supervillain in a world filled with henchmen. Just tell them what to do and provide free uniforms; world domination usually hinges on good employment benefits.
Virgo: Sometimes you don’t need all the answers, you only need a hefty Magic 8-Ball and a good throwing arm. If your problems don’t duck, a dent in the head will make their future fuzzy.
Libra: Thursday will gnaw at your pants leg like an enthusiastic ferret. Don’t ignore it, or it will do much worse things on Friday.
Scorpio: Someone’s trying to write you off like you’re a minor character in an Adam Sandler movie. Balance your resume with some thoughtful roles or you’ll never be heard from again, except for late-night reruns when there’s no ballgame to watch.
Sagittarius: Spread your wings and fly, just wait until you get outside to do it. Otherwise, your grandmother will be pissed that you’ve knocked over and broken most of her “Golden Girls” figurines.
Capricorn: You can’t judge a book by its cover. Unless it’s a blank journal, then the cover’s pretty important. You still have to write all the words, though. Uncork your deepest thoughts on life, the universe and your favorite ‘Scooby Doo’ character.
Aquarius: Arguing with your boss is like tying a bikini on a goldfish: it doesn’t do anything, and you’re going to end up with more knots than you need. Let him splash aimlessly in his opinions and stand clear so you’re not the one who ends up all wet.
Pisces: Embrace life on Friday. It needs a good hug, and you can surreptitiously go through its pockets while making it feel good at the same time. Hey, not all hugs are free; good ones can cost five bucks and half a pack of Rolaids.