Aries: Beware of bearers of bad news, and double your caution if they’re actual bears. It’s summer, and they’re just finding an excuse to eat you and take over your swimming pool.

Taurus: Life isn’t as bad as you think. It’s probably worse, but as long as you keep those rose-colored glasses duct-taped to your head, you’re good. Go out and enjoy yourself.

Gemini: Hearts and rainbows light up your path, and grateful peasants litter your lap with flower petals and cash this week, all because you make a great cup of coffee. Keep it up and you’ll have everyone under your caffeinated thumb.

Cancer: Others may be afraid of screams in the dark, but not you. You’re the one who scattered Legos across the floor so the bogeyman couldn’t get to you. Sleep sound, because you’re the one all creepy things tiptoe around.

Leo: You are a lighthouse in the fog of co-workers’ confusion. Shining brightly is well and good, but expect several ships crashing on the rocks while you go on vacation. Perhaps you can leave a disco ball in your place so they can admire something shiny while you’re gone.

Virgo: The greatest gift isn’t someone having your baby, it’s letting that person sleep in occasionally after they have your baby. Break out the Wiggles DVDs and Froot Loops if needed.

Libra: Sometimes progress is a slow march through the swamp, and other times it’s a high-stepping run because there’s a mad bull behind you. Thursday will be a mix of both, so wear waterproof socks and your best running shoes.

Scorpio: Don’t worry about fighting fair on Friday; it’s not the whole fair you must triumph over, just a few selected carnies and that guy who runs the batting cage. Throw corn dogs past your foes to distract them, and make a break for it.

Sagittarius: Everyone needs a little help sometimes, so quit biting that hand in front of you before it slaps your face off. Karma’s kindness has a strict limit on patience.

Capricorn: You can soar like an eagle, or waddle about like a penguin. Either way, you’re popular on the Internet. If only you could turn those likes and shares into rent money.

Aquarius: Nothing says “success” like a great ride, winning smile and a level 20 profile on Pokemon Go. If you can’t swing any of those, offer to buy the beer while your friends chase some Zubats.

Pisces: When the universe offers you too many options, you freeze in indecision. Thaw your mind and pick a card, any card. Karma will make the trick work in your favor, and all will be amazed.

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