Aries: You may already be a winner! Or not. Depends on if you believe your junk mail. In any case, you’ll have a nice chicken dinner lined up for Thursday night.

Taurus: It’s great when everything’s coming up roses, but they shouldn’t be sprouting in your laundry hamper. Time for some spring cleaning before weeds take over your bathroom grout.

Gemini: Change is coming your way. Could be dimes and nickels, or it could be that your life’s path needs a fresh diaper because everything has turned to poo. No matter what happens, you’ll feel better afterward.

Cancer: Someone wants you to play by the rules, but you’re too deep into some cool experimental jazz, daddy-o. Tell those squares to get hip, slap on your beret and lay down some wild melodies of your own.

Leo: The spotlight turned off, and you feel invisible. Wait for your eyes to adjust and you’ll see lots of people rooting you on, you just thought they were part of the woodwork. Remember to appreciate them when the spotlight hits you again.

Virgo: You can’t always tell beauty from the beast by looks alone. Wait for someone to speak their mind, and you’ll likely strike up a friendship with Mr. Big and Hairy, because Little Miss Princess is a high-maintenance diva.

Libra: Actions speak louder than words, and your boss is holding a megaphone up to your brain. Either take notes, or prepare to heavily pad your resume and hope your next employer is just as clueless as you.

Scorpio: You wake up with a great idea on Friday. While it could work, think everything through before you try to train a herd of cats to use coffeemakers. Sure, MeowBucks would be an awesome coffeehouse, but where will you put the litter boxes?

Sagittarius: When you’re right, you’re right. When you’re wrong, you’re so far off the mark you need to take an Uber to the target. This time, save some money and walk to the right conclusion. Your brain needs the exercise.

Capricorn: You’re like a roast beef and gravy-flavored Pop Tart. The idea of you is great, but you’re not so tasty in reality. Add some spice to your personal recipe and let your flaky crust show. You’re more pot pie material, anyway.

Aquarius: Sometimes life can use a little kick, as long as it’s to your pants and not your head. Learn to duck and dodge if you don’t want to be dizzy all weekend.

Pisces: Quit worrying about which path to take, dress up in your red riding hood and get out there. Sure, you may spot a few wolves, but you’re packing pepper spray and a stun gun in that basket.

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