Aries: Things are going your way on Thursday, but don’t expect a limo. The most you’ll get for that hitchhiking thumb is a clown car unless you hike up those khakis and show some skin.

Taurus: Beauty surrounds you, but it’s not there to inspire, it just wants to shake you down for your lunch money. Hand it over before beauty smacks you right in the eye of the beholder.

Gemini: It’s fine to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, as long as you don’t step in dog poop. Otherwise, someone will be really pissed when they open their closet door tomorrow.

Cancer: There’s no accounting for taste, so you’re not expected to pay those fines from the fashion police. Feel free to spend that cash on yourself as long as you don’t buy more denim pantsuits or platform flip-flops.

Leo: Slow and steady may win the race, but it never impresses the chicks. Strut your fast and flashy self; all those ooohs and aaaaahs will make you feel more like a winner than any goofy trophy or horseshoe of roses.

Virgo: Quit whining about taking two steps back for every step forward. At least you’re in the right game. You could be like that poor sap to your left, who’s on a fast downward spiral in Chutes and Ladders.

Libra: You have a big day on Monday, so put your best foot forward in a strappy sandal with some toe glitter and you’ll win the day. Your worst foot should be kept in a ratty old tennis shoe. Sure, you’ll walk funny but you’ll feel fabulous.

Scorpio: Be careful when you do unto others as you want them to do unto you. Not everyone likes those leopard print handcuffs and leather dickeys. Whip out the plain missionary good deeds for the office and save those kinky untos for Saturday night.

Sagittarius: Some days you’re the mouse, other days you’re the cheese. Either way, you’re not getting out of the maze so you go ahead and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Capricorn: You have a problem that’s harder to shake than a dryer sheet down the leg of your corduroy pants. You can strip down the situation and take a good look, but make sure your office door is closed first.

Aquarius: You can be part of the solution or part of the problem, but life’s far more entertaining if you’re part of the audience watching it all with a smirk and a bowl of popcorn.

Pisces: Everyone’s moving full steam ahead and you can’t even get a puff of smoke out of your big toe. Relax and work at your own pace; at least you won’t be sweaty when you cross the finish line.

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