Aries: Every rose has not only a thorn, but also a few bees and a crazy price tag. Skip the bouquets and take your sweetie for a roll in the dandelions instead. It’s cheaper and it will confuse the squirrels.

Taurus: You never know what you can do until you try. After that, you’ll realize your peak skills involve sitting on the couch and outwitting a bag of spicy Doritos.

Gemini: You don’t always hear trumpets when the universe sends you a message. Sometimes it’s written in crayon on an old lunch bag and tossed at your head. Duck first, then read.

Cancer: That creative wellspring has thinned from a gusher into a dribble. Find a new spot where creativity flows and give up drilling. If you go too deep, you’ll run into some ticked-off mole men.

Leo: Quit carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, it’s terrible for your posture. If you can’t let go, invest in some wheeled luggage and head down the stairs. Those hangers-on might jump off if the ride gets too bumpy.

Virgo: Every day is a fresh start, except for Thursday. That one still has Wednesday’s orange peels and coffee stains all over it. Scrub it down before you flop your latest ideas on it.

Libra: It’s better to look like something the cat dragged in instead of something it ate then threw up in your shoes at 2 a.m. The best scenario is to stay away from the cat unless you have an extra catnip mouse on you.

Scorpio: Your Monday is a lot like a Celine Dion song: heartfelt, soaring and is the result of slamming your boat against some ice. Enjoy the music, but also keep an eye out on that iceberg ahead.

Sagittarius: You know the score, now if you could only find the game. Forget baseball and soccer: your score is likely tied to a Quidditch Beer Pong game in Newark, New Jersey. Dress appropriately.

Capricorn: Not every Thunderdome needs a warrior; some of them just need rainbows. Show off your true colors and you’ll win people over. If that doesn’t work, reveal the leprechaun in your pants.

Aquarius: Some days you’re the neon-dyed cereal, other days you’re the prize. Basically, you’re winning this week no matter where you fall out of the box. Feel free to spill some of your awesomeness on everyone else.

Pisces: Don’t worry about getting your groove back; you never lost it in the first place. It’s just a few levels up from that rut you’ve been trudging. Look around and you’ll spy the stairs.

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