Aries: You’re wondering about an outcome on your work situation. Only time will tell, but you can keep that tattletale quiet with a steady stream of chocolates. The only way to keep Time’s big mouth shut is to give it a bigger butt.
Taurus: Knowing what you want is fine, but now you have to figure out how to get it. Try diplomacy instead of a giant butterfly net, because those nets are easy to chew through.
Gemini: Your hands are full; only you know whether that’s a good thing or not. Are they occupied with stressful, mind-harrowing work or Daniel Craig’s butt? You’ll know when to let go.
Cancer: You’re ready for a life-changing event, but do you have your makeup on? These days, the journey of a thousand steps usually begins with a selfie. Try not to fall over while making your duck face.
Leo: Like a phone flashlight app, you shine brightly in dark situations. That’s great if you’re trying to walk up the driveway, not so much if someone’s attempting to sleep. Tone down your glow for a few hours and recharge your battery.
Virgo: It’s best to know your own heart before you jump into a new situation. Otherwise, you’ll have to rely on your spleen for introductions during a tense moment, which would be awkward for everyone.
Libra: Some say love is a many-splendored thing, but wiser minds know it’s also a many-splintered thing as well. It’s fine to dance through the daisies when you’re in love, just don’t go barefoot.
Scorpio: Every day is a wild new adventure, but at this point, you’d love a quiet, boring week inside an air-conditioned cubicle with a mini-coffee pot and good Internet. Hang in there, because dull wishes do come true.
Sagittarius: Thursday isn’t quite like walking on Legos in the dark, it’s more like falling in them face-first. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine as long as you keep your mouth shut and break your fall with the bean bag chair that someone forgot to put away for the fourth day in a row.
Capricorn: Can’t find your bliss? It’s probably under that pile of dirty laundry in your bedroom. If you haven’t found it by the time you’ve washed, dried, folded and put it all away, you’ve at least earned the wifi password for the day.
Aquarius: Saturday is a shell game. You’ll get three chances, but only one of them is a real opportunity to make money. Study the universe’s hands before you decide, or just kick the universe in the knee and grab what’s yours.
Pisces: Even fishies can get waterlogged by rough seas, but take heart: you’re swimming into calm waters now. Hop on board someone’s party barge for a break, because you’ve earned it.