Aries: A straight line is the quickest route between two points, but you’ve never been the logical one. Go ahead and take that Crazy Straw path to your destination. If nothing else, you could be hired by Google Maps.
Taurus: A question of the ages looms before you. Weigh your options carefully, then decide between the pumpkin spice bagel or the cream-filled pastry. This will be the most important decision you make before lunch.
Gemini: Someone thinks your elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top, but they don’t know you’re basically a haunted house. Flap your shutters at them a few times and rattle some chains. They’ll take the hint.
Cancer: If you knew then what you know now, you would have been so obnoxious then that you wouldn’t have learned anything to know what you know now. Ignorance can be bliss, especially for other people.
Leo: There’s a light in your eyes, but this time it’s not from sticking a fork into a toaster. You’ve been struck with actual inspiration, so wipe the soot off your head and make a plan. It’s just crazy enough to work.
Virgo: You’ve been singing the song of your people to everyone at work. Unfortunately, that ditty includes a great deal of whining, moaning and basic bellyaching. Try a new tune before someone manually resets your mental playlist.
Libra: You’re feeling sexier than a deserted room filled with fresh donuts and free wi-fi. Rub a little frosting behind your ear and tell your sweetie to be ready for some high-speed fun. After that, you can buffer together.
Scorpio: Don’t worry if you forget all the words to your personal soundtrack. Make some up, or just hum a few bars until it all comes back. Everyone loves a hummer.
Sagittarius: You may feel like you’re sinking, but look closer: you have at least a half dozen of those floaty life rings wedged around your middle. Quit exhausting yourself fighting the current and tell your crew onshore to reel you in.
Capricorn: Sure, love is the answer, especially if the question is “What can kick you in the balls and make you feel happy about it?” If you’re not ready for that kind of love, wear a cup on Thursday.
Aquarius: You can reach for the stars all you want, but you won’t get far unless you build the rocket ship to get you there. Dreams that come true are usually backed up with skills and experience, so get cracking.
Pisces: When you can’t see the forest for the trees, pick a tall one and build a nice treehouse instead. Who needs the whole forest when you’ve got your own mighty oak equipped with cable TV and a recliner?