Aries: Most people reap what they sow, but you won’t even get near the garden. Munch on dandelions for a while and you’ll finally choose to get your hands dirty.
Taurus: Not every cloud in the sky is an impending storm; sometimes they float by to give you a bit of shade. Enjoy the break, you’ll be back in the thick of things before you know it.
Gemini: Your wild idea gets a chance of success when you meet an investor with way too much cash and not enough brain cells. Make sure they sign the check before they chew on any more paint chips.
Cancer: There’s no accounting for taste, so you won’t be held responsible for that outfit you’re wearing. Be glad the fashion police aren’t allowed to have tasers.
Leo: You’ve put others before yourself, and the universe has noticed. Karma could stick a lottery win in your pocket or slip a few dollar bills in your g-string, so don’t go crazy until you’ve fished your prize from your underpants.
Virgo: You want everything to be in place, but life isn’t like a Swiss clock. It’s more of a jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces missing, a dozen pieces chewed up by the dog and one stubborn piece lodged in a toddler’s nose. The picture isn’t tidy but it’s definitely interesting.
Libra: If you’re looking for peace in your soul, it’s under the stack of 1980s punk lyrics and next to those beat-up hopes and dreams from your twenties. Do a little inner housecleaning and you’ll find it in no time.
Scorpio: The journey lies ahead of you, but you can’t manage that first step. Change into your tattered flip-flops; you’ll soon trip, land and be on your way with the slapping sound of progress.
Sagittarius: Right now you feel like a bunch of bananas in the monkey house: you are very appealing, but things could get hairy fast. Make your escape before the screaming and poo-slinging starts.
Capricorn: Road blocks aren’t there to stop you, they exist to make you more creative. Do a little off-roading and you’ll find an entirely new way to be weird. Who knows? People may even pay you for it.
Aquarius: You have all the tools needed for this hot new project, but you can’t use them all at once. You’re gonna need a bigger belt.
Pisces: The change you like is the kind that fills your piggy bank, but another change will make your life better this week. Just think of each new day as a bright, shiny quarter, all yours to spend.