Aries: You’re faced with an uncomfortable truth, but it will take more than digging in your underwear to solve it. Consider this a mental wedgie, not a physical one, and use some hand sanitizer before you go back to work.

Taurus: There’s a bright spot in your day, but you don’t see it as a perk, just a reason to buy more sunscreen. Lighten up! Not every sliver of sunshine indicates a hole in your umbrella.

Gemini: Sometimes the universe screws up and gives you exactly what you want, when you want it. Don’t say anything, just walk funny for a few days so no one knows it’s a perfect fit.

Cancer: You have a lot going for you, but if you don’t speed up it will leave you behind. Ambition needs a secure trailer hitch on opportunity or it will leave you stranded at the rest stop.

Leo: Every dog has his day but you’re the pushy pooch demanding a fortnight. Sometimes contentment comes in bite-size moments instead of economy-sized bags.

Virgo: You create your own opportunities this week, so skip that project with the pipe cleaners and school glue, and make something that lasts forever, like melted Jujubes.

Libra: Good fortune lands in your lap on Thursday, so don’t be surprised if you hear a splat. Might be a good idea to carry some tissues with you, too.

Scorpio: Both hope and a good coil of rope can pull you out of a hole or build a bridge, but only one can be used to lasso a cow. Unless you’re a cow whisperer, in which case you should question your life choices.

Sagittarius: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but it all sounds rather messy. Leave the birds to do their thing and hunt down a good veggie burger, you’ll have far less bird poop to wash off.

Capricorn: Someone’s looking for a scapegoat at work, so keep your horns low. Try being a sheep for a few days, because your mutton impersonation isn’t too ba-a-a-a-a-ad.

Aquarius:  Keeping a positive attitude is laudable, but having a plan is even better.  Think everything through, don’t forget the batteries, and leave the wombats at home.

Pisces: To you, big decisions are a lot like grizzly bears: terrifying when you’re up close and you’re afraid to make the wrong move. Take a breath and start with a teddy bear; that small decision will help you outwit your challenge.

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