Aries: Opportunity won’t knock for you, but it will pull into the driveway and honk the horn. Be ready to jump at a moment’s notice, because it wants to beat the traffic and make good time.
Taurus: Wise men say you can discover the whole world in a grain of sand, but you’ll have to work up to that. Find your butt with both hands first, and you can dig some sand out of your swim trunks to study.
Gemini: What you’re going through isn’t easy, so feel free to pull the emergency stop when needed. The world can go on without you on occasion, and it’s fun to watch people faceplant against the glass.
Cancer: To thine own self be true, but feel free to fib it up with your co-workers. Corporate picnics are far more exciting if half the office thinks you’re a secret agent working undercover.
Leo: If progress goes too fast, it usually clips a few pedestrians on the sidewalk. Be patient, because slower speeds mean fewer dash-cam lawsuits.
Virgo: True, the heart wants what it wants, but sometimes it has to be slapped on the hands and told “no.” You’re heading toward a relationship like a toddler with his finger pointed toward a light socket.
Libra: Quality floats to the top, but so do dead fish. Make sure you know the difference before you skim that net across the surface, or something foul may stink up your boat.
Scorpio: Some days you feel like a kite caught in a tree. Sure, the world is holding you back, but that’s just so you don’t float off and get sucked up into a jet engine. Chill out and enjoy the view.
Sagittarius: Love may be the answer, but only if you ask the right questions, like “Why are you drinking so much tequila?” and “Where are your pants?” Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
Capricorn: You have a chance at happiness, as long as you don’t pass Go and collect $200. Stay where you are, otherwise you’ll have to spend that extra cash shopping on Boardwalk to make your other half happy.
Aquarius: Sometimes life isn’t about who wins or loses, it’s about who’s smart enough to go under the stands and search for loose change. Be prepared to fill up those pockets with loot.
Pisces: It’s a vast universe, so how do you keep receiving the same old, raggedy luck? Send it back and ask for karmic customer service. You deserve better.