Aries: The only time you should jump the gun is when someone’s shooting Nerf darts. Otherwise, wait for the wedding like everyone else.
Taurus: Take heart, because the universe is smiling on you. It’s a good smile, too, not a creepy one like your weird uncle always has during Thanksgiving dinner. Bet you’ll never look under that table again.
Gemini: With great power comes great responsibility. Extension cord and surge protector sold separately, so be prepared to whip out some cash.
Cancer: On Thursday you can step up and be counted, or stay in the back and miss out on refreshments. Choose carefully, because there will be cake.
Leo: You’re not more accomplished when you burn the candle at both ends. You’re just slumped over with wax stuck to your pants. Avoid the awkward stares at the cleaner’s and get some rest.
Virgo: You no longer have to steal moments of happiness this week, because karma hands over her charge card. Don’t go too wild, though, even she has a credit limit.
Libra: You can look within for answers, but it’s really squishy in there and your spleen doesn’t have much to say. Go to the library; if they don’t know, they can at least direct you to a picture book of cats so you’ll be distracted.
Scorpio: Positive thinking? No. The real law of attraction means the craziest person will be drawn to you, no matter where you go. Friday is no exception.
Sagittarius: You’ll never know the beauty of a well-thought out plan, but you do appreciate the hastily applied lipstick of procrastination. Check those smudges before you give that big presentation to the boss.
Capricorn: You can’t please all the people all the time, but you can confuse most of them whenever you choose, and that is far more fun. Be thankful the ferret is a good sport and the tutu is washable.
Aquarius: That moment in the sun is yours for the taking, but why risk a sunburn when you can sit in the shade with a margarita and a good book? You’ll enjoy yourself far more without all the attention.
Pisces: If you’re tired of waiting for your ship to come in, grab a hammer and build a raft. It won’t be a luxury liner, but at least you’ll get off the island. With misfit toys, airplane crash victims and S.S. Minnow castaways, that place is getting crowded.