Aries: Most people grab the tiger by the tail, but not you. While you have him by the huevos, make it good, because you’ll need to run very fast when you finally let go.
Taurus: Friday is a dream come true. Too bad the universe picked the really weird dream with the swizzle sticks and the all-Bigfoot volleyball team. After you drink yourself to sleep, you’ll never look at ice cubes or sunblock lotion the same again.
Gemini: Life is filled with peaks and valleys but somehow you’ve found a deep, dark hole. Start climbing now, and in a few days the universe will drop a jetpack down to you. Karma is just waiting to see if you make an effort so it can give you a passing grade in gym class.
Cancer: When you face an ugly truth, don’t turn away. Give it a makeover and bring out its inner beauty, maybe slap some sequins on it, too. The truth is always easier on the eyes when it’s shiny.
Leo: It’s laudable that you want to help someone, but don’t grab them and fling them onto the shore like a ball of wet algae. Swim with them until they can touch ground again. But if a really big fish brushes against your leg, hey, they’re on their own.
Virgo: Spend some time this weekend by yourself, so you can probe your psyche with a sharp stick. It’s best to know your weaknesses and make them defend themselves. On Monday, your boss will have an even bigger stick.
Libra: You think you’re in a good groove, but it’s really just a deep scratch across an awesome DVD. Do a little buffing and polishing on your life so you can finally skip ahead to the next scene.
Scorpio: Keep an eye out for horseshoes and four-leaf clovers on Thursday, but leave the rabbits’ feet alone. You need an extra bit of luck but you don’t want to make the bunnies angry. You wouldn’t like them when they’re angry.
Sagittarius: If you think part of your life is missing, put on your glasses before you make a big deal out of it. Turns out everything was there the whole time, you just needed a little focus.
Capricorn: Big changes are on the horizon, but you’ll need to figure out if they’re galloping toward you or away from you. Feel free to chase them if you want, but don’t get underfoot.
Aquarius: You have a lot of eyes and thick skin, which makes you a perfect couch potato. Keep those peepers peeled and you’ll spot a perfect opportunity to become a smokin’ hot spud.
Pisces: You’re feeling more distracted than Gary Busey in a room filled with squirrels. Bribe a bushytail to show you the door so you can clear your head.