Aries: Some days your inner child leads you to unbelievable joy. On Thursday, it has a dirty diaper and encourages you to find a gas mask. Deal with the mess and try not to barf in the wicker trash basket.

Taurus: Quit looking for silver linings in clouds. That’s just the universe’s way of saying “Thank you for playing” and giving you a year’s worth of Rice-A-Roni. Hold out on Friday for the big prize.

Gemini: If life is a roller coaster, you’re inching up to the top. This fun has been a long time coming, so hold those arms up and get ready to scream.

Cancer: Don’t do anything stupid at 2 p.m. on Monday. That’s when your guardian angel sees his therapist, and he really needs the whole hour, especially after that llama mishap.

Leo: Life can be beautiful, especially if you make it wear the blonde wig and tell it to go easy on the makeup. Take your existence out for a hot date and show it a good time. You won’t regret it.

Virgo: If someone can read you like a book, it’s only because you’re in large print. Play hardcover-to-get and change up your font. Everyone loves a mystery.

Libra: It doesn’t take much to make you happy on Saturday. That’s good, because not much is all you’re going to get. Keep loving the little things, and you’ll never be disappointed.

Scorpio: Sometimes you run as fast as you can, but it still feels like life is passing you by. Don’t worry, the next ice cream truck will be playing your song. Throw a few nails out in front of it and you’ll finally catch your reward.

Sagittarius: Forget about stacking the deck in this new relationship; your sweetie is pretty stacked already. If you add anything more, they’re likely to fall over, especially in those shoes. Just smile and enjoy.

Capricorn: You don’t want answers, you just enjoy sneaking up on the questions and wrestling them down like surprised alligators. Watch out for the death roll of moronic theories, and work those opinions until they tire out.

Aquarius: Just when you’re getting a handle on a situation, the bottom of the box gets wet and everything hits the pavement. Nothing’s broken, so just brush the dirt off that cupcake and give it to the boss.

Pisces: You’ve been like a set of Russian nesting dolls, pulling your world tighter and tighter around yourself until you have a wedgie of the soul, which is one of the worst wedgies to have. Break open the mold and go party with some new friends, like those trampy Barbie knockoffs across the aisle.

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