Aries: You can look a gift horse in the mouth, but don’t be surprised if he belches in your face. Just ask to see his driver’s license next time, and you won’t be surrounded with an aura of garlic breath.

Taurus: Love isn’t a race, but it is a fairly vicious game of Chutes and Ladders. Rig the spinner while you can, or you’ll slide on your butt straight down to your next game, ApologyLand.

Gemini:  Just when you finally know all the answers, someone changes the test. You could study up, or spend your days hoarding spitballs so you’ll be the life of the party in detention.

Cancer: What you see as drudge work is actually an opportunity dressed down for casual Friday. Ignore the flip flops and take it out for a spin. You could end up in a new place and still have your wallet and kidneys intact.

Leo: The brightest stars could waltz across the sky and you’ll never know. Take off those sunglasses and look around. There’s no point to being cool if you miss all the best parts.

Virgo:  You’re wrapped so tightly, if you lose a button it could take out two cars on the highway. Untie some of those internal knots before you have a blowout and destroy half of the grocery store.

Libra: Saturday seems like a tight spot, but all you need is a little wiggle room. Shimmy into your best outfit and work it, girl. Your hips don’t lie but they do appreciate a corner office.

Scorpio: It is better to have loved and lost than to keep checking up on your exes via Facebook. If you drop the obsession, you’ll quickly find a new one, thanks to those ever-present Candy Crush invites.

Sagittarius: It’s one thing to be mysterious, but you’re as vague as smog in Beijing. Clear up a few paths so someone can get close to you without toppling over a guardrail.

Capricorn: You can leave things up to Chance, but he’s not even wearing matching socks today. If you want someone else to make your decisions, pick the boss’ receptionist. She knows how to deal with crap.

Aquarius: If you fell into a pile of money, you’d be the one person who gets a quarter lodged in their nose. Work on changing that luck with a few good deeds. Be careful, though; you don’t want karma to accidentally run you down before stopping to offer you a lift.

Pisces: Something you create will catch on like wildfire. Relax and drop the wet blanket, this blaze doesn’t threaten any trees but it could light up your career for a long time.

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