Aries:  You have a great idea on Tuesday. Cradle that sucker in bubble wrap and tend to its needs, or it will be you and that egg from Parenting class all over again. Made a good omelet, though.

Taurus: If you put a thousand monkeys in a room stocked with a thousand typewriters, and gave them whiskey, they couldn’t write anything as weird as Saturday. They might, however, write the next “50 Shades of Grey” and make you a millionaire.

Gemini: Violence isn’t the answer, although lately you’ve been thinking it’s a great suggestion. Try to talk out your problems first. When that doesn’t work, go ahead and dive into an all-out food fight.

Cancer: When a stroke of good fortune comes your way, don’t grab the brush and try to paint over your whole life. The universe is a very temperamental artist.

Leo: You might as well be in Norway, because the sun never sets on opportunity right now. Work while you’ve got the light, and don’t let that wide smile get sunburned.

Virgo: A window doesn’t always open when a door closes. Sometimes you just sit in the dark and wonder where you left the matches. Take time for a little introspection, but don’t stay too long, otherwise you’ll hiss like a vampire when the exit sign finally lights up.

Libra: It’s easier to face your fears than to keep dodging them like a private eye from late night TV. Once you see them up close, you’ll realize they’re a lot shorter in real life.

Scorpio: Patience is a virtue, but since your undies are flying like a pirate flag, that ship has sailed. Keep your temper in check when you do the walk of shame down the plank.

Sagittarius: There’s no accounting for taste, which is good considering the style checks you’ve been bouncing out of your closet. Cash in those Daisy Dukes and tube top for something that covers your assets and keeps children from screaming.

Capricorn: The mighty have fallen at your workplace, but take comfort: the crater they left would make a great company swimming pool. Bring it up at the next meeting and you’ll get that promotion.

Aquarius: Everything won’t come up roses, but there’s some lavender, basil and something growing on the back forty that really mellows out the cows. Spend some time in the garden, after you buy a truckload of Cheetos for Bossie.

Pisces: Change isn’t always a bad thing; it runs the washing machines and makes sure you get the good chips out of the vending machine for lunch. Give it a chance when it shakes up your routine on Sunday. You may reap far more than a few quarters.

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