Aries:  You have the opportunity to do something magnificent on Thursday. If you think you might screw it up, bring someone along to slap you in the head periodically until you get it right.

Taurus: Your temper may be slow to catch, but once it does, you have all the subtlety of a tire fire by a propane plant.  Dampen those sparks and avoid the burn.

Gemini: Good news! You’re a sugar-toothed toddler and the universe just unlocked the candy store. Emotional highs this staggering aren’t meant to last, so enjoy it until the sugar coma hits.

Cancer:  True, there’s no “I” in team, but there’s no “O” either, as in OMG, did you just see what the new guy did at the copier? Take a picture, it’ll last longer and it’s easier to email to your friends.

Leo: Ahead of you is nothing but blue sky, but you can’t have smooth sailing without a little wind. Good thing you ate that pickled cabbage for lunch. Sometimes the breezes you create are better at getting you to where you want to go.

Virgo: Sometimes magic isn’t in the air, it’s hidden behind a spring and some cards in an old dude’s pocket. Good times are still within your reach, but don’t expect the earth to shake, just be glad it’s steady under your feet.

Libra: Why do you walk around like a constipated chicken when you could soar with the eagles? Tap into your creativity and push out that egg. It could be golden.

Scorpio: Become the beauty you seek. If you’re ever alone, at least you can look at yourself in the mirror. Please, no duckface shots for the Internet; no one wants to marvel at your mystique as you lean against the bathroom sink.

Sagittarius: Yes, the idiot hurt you, but you must move on. Let go of your pain, let go of the past, let go of the sharpened screwdriver you’re pressing against their tires. There’s someone better up ahead, and they offer a sweet ride. Their car isn’t bad, either.

Capricorn: If the pieces won’t come together, get some scissors and duct tape. You may not solve the puzzle, but you’ll create an abstract artwork that will leave critics panting.

Aquarius: You’re heading in the right direction, whether the GPS knows it or not. Shut that chick up and put on some Aerosmith because you’re driving on the edge.

Pisces: When you feel that the normal world is a club and you don’t know the secret handshake, remember this: even if you knew the handshake, they wouldn’t let you in. Just be your wonderful, weird self, and others will come to you.