Aries: You’re jumpier than a gopher at a pogo stick competition. Even if you stay on your toes, you may get smacked in the head, so take some time away from the big, furry rat race and enjoy the non-bouncing action of an air mattress on the lake.
Taurus: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, which explains why you’re locked out of the house. Next time, ignore the cuties in summer shorts or just wear a bag over your head at the beach.
Gemini: Nobody’s perfect, although plenty like to think so. Only you can get away with telling the Emperor his new jeans are a little too cheeky; time to use that charm for the public good.
Cancer: Some days are bright stars leading you to greater things, and other days just need to be scraped off your shoe. After Wednesday, just throw away those flip-flops because some things can’t be fixed.
Leo: Who says every day can’t be a party? Wear a pointy hat and blow out candles wherever you find them. Once people are in the dark, they’ll never see you eating their cake and having it, too.
Virgo: Friday leads you to a bit of soul-searching. You’ll be pleasantly surprised you have one, but maybe you should store it in a better place. It’s a little moldy in that damp basement.
Libra: Others think you’re on a slippery slope, but only you know that you’re wearing cleats. When your co-workers slide down like greased monkeys, you’ll dig in and reach the top.
Scorpio: No one said life would be easy, but you’re definitely making it harder on yourself. Take the underwear off your head, the cheese out of your ears and step aside. You’ll be amazed how fast you can go once you get out of your own way.
Sagittarius: Find the beauty in everyday things, and you’ll be much easier to please when your birthday rolls around. Hopefully there’s some whiskey under that year’s worth of paper clips.
Capricorn: While you are a free-thinking personality, remember that boundaries are important especially when you’re sharing a bathroom with your in-laws. Some things cannot be unseen.
Aquarius: You’re juggling so much, you should be a circus performer. Get your hands on those balls soon while you can still get them up in the air.
Pisces: Your daydreaming nature pulls at you this week, and the only thing tethering you to reality is your grumpy family. Stock up on granola, toss them fresh batteries for the remote, and let yourself fly. They’ll pull you back soon enough for back-to-school shopping.