Aries: The show must go on, even if you didn’t realize you had an audience. Turn around to face the screams and squeals, adjust your tassels, and keep dancing. You might just get a rave review.

Taurus: Forget ambition; the early bird gets the worm, but the bird who sleeps in has pizza delivered. That beats worms any day, and it explains why robins are so cheerful and chubby.

Gemini: Ideas are bouncing around your head faster than cheerleaders on espresso. Jot down some notes before the caffeine wears off, and you’ll have grounds for success.

Cancer: Sometimes you don’t have to be the fastest runner to win the race, you just have to know where all the potholes are. Forget reaching for the stars, keep an eye on the course so you have a clue where you’re going.

Leo: Don’t worry what others say, just listen to the man in the mirror. If he starts talking when you don’t, then you worry. And you call a ghost hunter.

Virgo: If you sense a bright spot in your day, there’s probably someone above you with a magnifying glass. Dodge the heat and run up their pants leg; no one ever expects the little guy to bite back.

Libra: You’ll have a perfect hair day on Tuesday, but no one will notice since your skirt will be tucked into your pantyhose for a few hours. On the bright side, you’ll have dates planned for the next two weeks.

Scorpio: Don’t concentrate on skin-deep looks. What truly counts is inner beauty, and yours could use a spa treatment and some exfoliation. Try those new kindness injections, they’re guaranteed to soften those hard lines.

Sagittarius: On Friday, you’ll finally let your hair down, and out will fall a donkey, a lemon tart and two Shake Weights. Who knew you were kinkier when you were all twisted up? At least you won’t have those neck problems any more.

Capricorn: It takes time to heal from life’s hurts. If you can’t get back in the saddle, you can straddle a broom and make galloping sounds around the yard. It’s not John Wayne-worthy, but it’s a start.

Aquarius: Real power isn’t about toppling governments, it’s making someone get up in the middle of the night to fetch you a glass of water. Sip that H2O slowly, because you’ve got the politicians beat.

Pisces: You’ve thought about climbing every mountain, but that sounds exhausting. Hike a couple of hills and call it a day. Mount Everest is so crowded this time of year.

Advertisements