Aries: Some days you jump willingly into the ball pit, other days you’re pushed. One thing’s clear: you’ll have a lot of balls in your face. Wear goggles.

Taurus: You’re so slow to burn, some may think your pilot light’s out. A co-worker fans your flames on Friday. Try not to scorch the walls when your temper finally goes; otherwise, you’ll need to pony up for fresh paint.

Gemini: Your analytical side tackles a problem at work. When the boss finally notices your efforts, however, your mood changes and you staple his pants to the photocopier. At least you still make Employee of the Month.

Cancer: When you have a bad day, count your blessings. Your kids aren’t in jail anymore, there’s wine in the fridge and the dog finally passed the TV remote after eating it a few days ago. Grab some wet wipes, find your fave show and realize it doesn’t get any better than this.

Leo: An offer to share the spotlight is generous, especially for you. However, not everyone clamors to be a star, despite what reality TV says. Double your sunscreen and jump back into the glare because it’s all about you, baby.

Virgo: A new puzzle intrigues you on Thursday, and you drop everything until you figure it out. Once your sweetie sees the attention you lavish on this, expect to see a lot of Sudoku-printed sexy underwear in the bedroom.

Libra: No one promised you a rose garden, but with all the sarcastic friends life gave you, it could send you an aloe vera plant to deal with those burns. Grab some bandages and a dictionary if you want to get even.

Scorpio: The worst in your day will often bring the best out in you. You’ll either shine like a diamond, or just run into the back room and be a blubbering mess. Either way, have some ice cream on hand. Ice cream goes with anything.

Sagittarius: You’re tired of ‘steady as she goes.’ You want to rock the boat. Take a life preserver, because that water is colder than you think and there’s no iceberg to cling to while you wait for help.

Capricorn: Believing in yourself is fine, as long as you leave room for other stuff, like gravity, Newton’s Third Law and the awesomeness of Chuck Norris. Put some ice on that swelling ego and make space for the necessaries of the universe.

Aquarius: Every cloud has a silver lining, that’s why the weather uses them to make change. If you see a low-lying cloud, stick your ATM card in it. Maybe you’ll finally see some pennies from Heaven.

Pisces: You may think you’re all alone, but your creativity is like a patch of dandelions. It spreads to people you don’t even know. Keep rocking those sunny little thoughts, because you’re making someone else’s day.

Advertisements