Aries: You are the star of your own movie, but you should lower your expectations from big-budget Michael Bay to a student film involving foul-mouthed, homemade puppets. Strangely enough, yours may bring you more fans.

Taurus: Being slow to anger is one thing, but taking the scenic route to Martyrtown is another. It’s only human to get mad once in a while, and you won’t Hulk out because you refuse to buy that many pairs of new pants.

Gemini: Tuesday is a mixed bag of nuts, but you won’t see any of those delicious chocolate-covered cashews. After your co-workers raid your desk, you’ll be lucky to have some loose skins from peanuts and a few broken Filberts.

Cancer: You’re finding it harder to focus than Justin Bieber in a room full of mirrors. If your phone’s camera breaks on Thursday, thank it for saving your butt and not uploading that embarrassing selfie to Instagram.

Leo: Friday’s code word is “smooth,” but you won’t get the memo. Take a few lessons from the 800 lb. gorilla in the room; at least he knows how to sit quietly and still menace people.

Virgo: With a little luck and a lot of heavy breathing, you’ll land that special project you’ve been chasing. Who knew that project manager was into obscene phone calls from people on treadmills? You did, you sly thing.

Libra: If you still believe the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, you should drop out of medical school now before someone gets hurt. You may, however, be a perfect intern for the Paula Dean Institute of Butter and Matchmaking.

Scorpio: Quit looking on the bright side so much; all that squinting will give you wrinkles. Sometimes staring down the gloom makes it nervous enough to slink away. Just give it the same look you gave the kids after the indoor toothpaste fight.

Sagittarius: Your attempt at burning bridges just makes them warm and comfortable enough for a quick trip during a chilly spring day. Next time, don’t try to set fire to stone, just install a permanent “Detour” sign.

Capricorn: You have a lot to offer, so don’t sell yourself short; someone’s willing to invest in you, and they don’t even plan to use their coupons. Take the compliment, smile, and don’t tell them where you’ve hidden the receipt book.

Aquarius: You’re so tough, you’ve been swimming with the sharks and all you’ve suffered is a bad case of pruny toes. Use your talents for good, and teach those toothy suckers some synchronized water ballet moves.

Pisces: It’s a new day, and you’re still in that lovely wake-up mode when you think you can accomplish anything. Instead of fading away, though, it lasts all week long. Use it while you got it, sleepyhead.

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