Aries: Life can often be as sweet as candy, but usually it just makes you feel like an all-day sucker. Be careful on Tuesday, you might get stuck to the dog or covered in lint.

Taurus: Ever look back on your life and realize you’re just one bad decision away from becoming a cautionary tale? Try a little harder to make the right choices, even if it means getting out of your chair.

Gemini: Beauty may be skin-deep, but paranoia goes right through your bones just like an alien X-ray. Before you screw on that tinfoil hat, get a fresh opinion. The world may be out to get you, but it can wait a couple of days before making its move.

Cancer:  Your tantrum blew out more windows than the Russian meteor. Give yourself a time-out to cool down, then roll up your sleeves and try to make things right. It’s going to take more than some plywood and nails to steer away the cold shoulder you’re about to get.

Leo: There are brighter days ahead, but you’ll never see them with your head stuck up your butt. Try to enjoy what life gives you instead of constantly demanding to see the manager.

Virgo: Some are born to greatness, others have it thrust upon them, and you’ll find it in a mall parking lot around 2 p.m. on Thursday. Use a tissue to pick it up, it’s sticky.

Libra: Your keen sense of observation has landed you in another pickle. Grab the sandwich and run, and let the chips fall where they may.

Scorpio: Feel like you’ve lost your mojo? Look under the couch; it’s shriveled up next to the empty tequila bottle and a ‘Twilight’ DVD.  It will take come care and feeding, but you’ll bring it back to full health. Start with some Bruce Lee movies, that always helps.

Sagittarius:  You have the strength inside you to do anything. Yes, you can change your life, but first, how about changing those shoes? Open-toed plaid snow boots really aren’t your style.

Capricorn: Self-reflection is good, but you’ve gone from deep contemplation to banging the glass like a frisky cockatiel. Fluff those feathers and go meet some new people. While you’re out, pick some Windex. That mirror has beak prints all over it.

Aquarius: You’re feeling luckier than a country singer at a family reunion. Before you scoop up all the secrets, make sure your own closet has enough storage space by kicking out a few skeletons.

Pisces: The winter has caused your brain cells to float away like helium balloons. Grab those suckers and rub them together until they crackle, because you’re one great thought away from achieving your goal.

 

##

Advertisements