Aries: They say no good deed goes unpunished, but you have the chance to slip several in while no one’s looking this week. Cram in the positive karma so you won’t be a cricket or a Kardashian in your next life.

Taurus: Some days you don’t need all the answers, you only need to talk fast enough to keep people distracted. Warm up that motormouth and open your forgotten gift of gab.

Gemini: People think you’re quiet, but they don’t realize when you sit alone and look thoughtful, you’re just listening to all the voices in your head. On Tuesday, your dual nature will tag-team you out of a peculiar situation.

Cancer: Life is a buffet and you keep picking at a plate of croutons. Take a chance and try the salmon. Even if it doesn’t work, you meet new people in the bathroom while you deal with the food poisoning.

Leo: You think you’re just focused, but those around you feel like an ant under glass in the sun. Back up and listen on Thursday; someone else’s day in the sun shouldn’t disintegrate them.

Virgo: You must go through a lot of wrong steps to learn all the right moves, so shake that booty and put your own spin on Friday. Forget dancing like no one is watching; just dance like no one cares.

Libra: Each problem is a blessing to make you wiser. Watch out for Monday, because you’ll be blessed right off the map. On Tuesday, you’ll be smart enough to never do that again.

Scorpio: Ready for a change of pace? You’re about to go from a slow jog to a “oh-my-god-there’s-a-tiger-behind-me” run. Wear your track shoes and keep some kitty treats in your pocket.

Sagittarius: You don’t have to be the best, you only have to be good enough and annoying enough so people will want you yet leave you alone. That’s the true key to success.

Capricorn: If you were truly meant to fly, you would have been born with a birthmark in the shape of a boarding pass and a transparent skin so the TSA could see through you.  Go ahead and take the bus, so you can meet all kinds of new, interesting and vaguely worrisome people.

Aquarius: Money can’t buy happiness, but it can keep your ex-spouses quiet. Enjoy your peace, even if you can’t afford a TV. There’s nothing on, anyway.

Pisces:  You keep looking for something right around the corner. If you follow enough corners, you end up where you started. Quit obsessing about 90-degree angles and create your own triumph out in the open.

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