Aries:  You’re concerned about your luck running out, and you shouldn’t be. It’s bad luck, of course, but there’s an endless supply, because you get a free mega-cup of it every time you do something stupid.

Taurus: Be glad you’re not a special little snowflake, because you would go up in a poof of smoke during this heat wave. There’s something to be said for being just one of the crowd: mainly, that no one can pick you out in a line-up.

Gemini: You don’t always get to pick your time to shine; sometimes it happens while you’re in the bathroom, or it could happen while you’re sleeping. If it’s the latter, at least you’re useful as a nightlight.

Cancer: Look for your good fortune to arrive on Saturday. It will be cunningly mislabeled in a box called “Hard Work and Sacrifice.” Most people never think to look there, so it’s overflowing.

Leo: There’s more to life than loving yourself; sometimes you need to know how much others love you, too. Passing out the surveys may have been a bit much, though. If you’re worried about it, just offer free beer at your birthday party.

Virgo: Before you starting kissing frogs to find your prince, think about what you’re doing to the amphibian community. Be selective about your pucker, otherwise they’ll name a strain of froggy herpes after you.

Libra: Reflection is good for the soul, but you’re not getting there by staring in the mirror constantly perfecting your ‘do.  Go out of the house and do something that will muss up your hair. Do it soon because frankly, your reflection is sick of looking at you.

Scorpio: Work presents some challenges, but it’s nothing you can’t handle. Just remember to use a chair to hoist your butt on the copier so you won’t pull a muscle again, and lick only the donuts you want, not all of them, so you don’t sleep in a sugar coma under your desk.

Sagittarius: You know what you’re looking for, it’s just that stores don’t carry buckets large enough to contain your awesome. Make it a DIY project and donate an extra one as a hot tub for cranky bears. See? Awesome.

Capricorn: Some days you’re the bird, some days you’re the windshield. Today you’re the glass replacement specialist who needed a break. Thank goodness there are plenty of angry birds to go around.

Aquarius: You’re feeling hotter than a ring of power sinking into the lava of Mount Doom. Work that mojo, because you can’t be invisible any more, sweet thing.

Pisces: Some people love the roller coaster of life, while others prefer putting along on the teacup ride. You always find a park bench and settle in with a good book. Hey, sometimes the thrills of the imagination are enough.

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