Aries: They all laughed at your house of cards, but no one realizes you’ve built it with Gorilla Glue and a few dozen of those plastic-covered decks. Ignore what everyone says; go ahead and move in that hot tub and giant-screen TV. Even the wolf and the three little pigs will want to spend Sunday afternoons at your place.

Taurus: You have style, you have charm, but do you have insurance for all those hearts you’re breaking? Enjoy the attention, but watch out for jilted lovers and less-than-vigilant laws on taser-equipped crossbows.

Gemini: An idea is waiting for you like a prize Easter egg out in the open; scoop that bad boy up before anyone else notices it’s filled with chocolate, money and porn. Forget the goose who laid it, hook up with one big bunny to keep those treasures coming.

Cancer: Some are born to lead, others are meant to follow. You were put on this planet to wander aimlessly through hallways and jiggle doorknobs.

Leo: The fiery heart of the lion roars within you on Thursday, probably because someone shortchanged you at the gas station or spilled coffee on your crotch. Set them straight, and save up your righteous anger for people who cut you off in traffic.

Virgo: You know what the score is, you just have no interest in the game. Grab some popcorn and watch everyone duke it out in the stands. You’ll make a tidy sum picking up the loose change afterward.

Libra: If you have a passion in your pants and you’re not afraid to show it, check with your doctor because your meds need adjusting again. Hurry up, because no one wants to see that right before lunch.

Scorpio: Laughter is good for the soul, but when it involves your in-laws, nudity and a police cruiser, those guffaws can heal anything.

Sagittarius: On Friday, you have the chance to make an impression at work. Stay away from wet cement and large bins of Silly Putty.

Capricorn: You may think you have a great notion, but you don’t. Step away from the Hammer pants and the giant bowl of Waldorf salad. YouTube doesn’t deserve such mental cruelty.

Aquarius: Occasionally people get second chances, but you’ve lucked into a third chance with the option of a fourth. Don’t blow it this time by re-enacting your favorite ‘Walking Dead’ scene while wearing glitter body paint and that ‘Ron Paul for Head Wizard’ ballcap.

Pisces: All those rain checks from the universe are ready to be cashed in, and the line at Karmic customer service is short. Brace yourself for imminent good fortune; it can be a shock when you’re not used to it.

 

 

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