Aries: Sometimes karma raps you on the knuckles, and other times it’s a full-on paddlefest. Reflect on the last few idiotic things you’ve done, and prepare to drop your drawers.
Taurus: You may know the strip clubs better than a politician, but your wild side needs a night with popcorn and PJs every now and then. A full-body dip in hand sanitizer wouldn’t hurt, either.
Gemini: Friday night will bring you a stiff drink and a good friend. Or is it the other way around? No matter, you’re likely to wake up in a strange place.
Cancer: You’re feeling the spirit of the season, but trying to swipe your credit card on the nativity scene manger is just wrong. Wait until you get to the gift shop, they offer a discount.
Leo: Lately, even the instant coffee isn’t fast enough for you. If you fast-forward through the boring parts of life, you won’t appreciate the exciting moments. Plus you’ll miss that cute commercial with the dancing lizard.
Virgo: If you hold out for a Cadillac, you may never learn to drive. Lower your standards and jump into a less than perfect ride; wondering if you’ll make it home is half the fun.
Libra: Some ideas should be nurtured, and others should be left on the vine for the birds to eat. Let someone else peek at your fruit to see if you have a rotten tomato.
Scorpio: Baby, you’re a star! But are you Meryl Streep in an award-winning role or a half-naked cheerleader being chased by a chain saw maniac? Try to stay classy; those ta-tas aren’t ready for prime time.
Sagittarius: An occasional leap of faith is fine, but it wouldn’t hurt to have the jetpack of experience or the parachute of preparation on board as well. Only Wile E. Coyote can manage that accordion-style recovery.
Capricorn: On Wednesday, the barbarians are at the gate. Hunker down in your cubicle and prepare that paperclip crossbow; you’ll need it if you want to see that holiday bonus check.
Aquarius: Friday will stick to the bottom of your shoe. Scrape it off or the whole weekend will smell funny, and you’ll have to throw Monday in the wash.
Pisces: For about ten minutes, you’ll clearly see what needs to be done and how to do it. Take notes or tell someone, because that clarity has the lifespan of a chocolate doughnut backstage at the Victoria’s Secret show.