Aries: Congratulations, someone has just upgraded you from the little people to flunkie. You can either get them a mocha latte with sprinkles or you can go out and follow your own dream.

Taurus: Sometimes frugality and sensuality do not mix. Meditate on this while your sweetie drives you to the doctor. New rule: never bring peanut butter and olive oil into the bedroom if you have mice in the house.

Gemini: You finally get what you want this week, but can you handle it? If you’re too neurotic to cope, use your sudden windfall to buy self-help books and a subscription to Oprah magazine.

Cancer: There’s a bright side to every situation, but on Wednesday it may be tough to find. Take a Bic lighter and a magnifying glass and search again. If that fails, buy a case of margarita mix and the entire collection of Monty Python DVDs.

Leo:  Sure, it’s great to go where everyone knows your name. Unless, of course, you owe them money. Seek out some new hangouts this week until that lottery ticket pays off.

Virgo: A good, long look at your life makes you realize you either need to change your lover, your address or your brand of soda. Hey, if you never made bad decisions, you would have nothing to discuss in therapy.

Libra: You’re so low on ideas, you are considering plans involving a road runner, roller skates and explosives from the Acme company.  Take some brainstorming time today, but turn off the cartoon channel before you end up flattened on the side of a cliff.

Scorpio: The universe believes in second chances, but it’s wishy-washy on third, fourth and fifth chances. Make your move before opportunity shrugs and heads off to the gas station to use the bathroom.

Sagittarius: Did you make an awkward mistake last week? You may not have killed the golden goose, but you hurt it’s feelings a little. Kissing is optional, but a peck on the feathered butt could make life much easier for you.

Capricorn: There’s a certain grace and dignity to the right words, but your remarks are stumbling around like a drunk moose in heat. Learn some tact and diplomacy quick, or that speech may try to hump your boss’ car and get you fired.

Aquarius: A new relationship lights up your life with new fire, but you’re not sure if it is passion or just a really bad rash. If they’re worth keeping around, grab some cream and walk gingerly for a while.

Pisces: All this work may have cut into your Angry Birds time, but chin up: once you’ve made your fortune, you can hire people to play a real-life game of Angry Birds. Practice saying “Chirp, you idiot!” a few times; it will make you smile.

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