Aries: On Wednesday you’ll  see a bright light and end up with three hours of missing time. There’s no need to be concerned unless you also see and empty tequila bottle and have a sore rear end. Those aliens love to party and probe.

Taurus: What do you want? Really, really want? Yes, you’ll have to spend precious money/time/pride to get there, but it will be worth it. And it will shut you up, which will delight your family and co-workers.

Gemini: Is the universe being too gentle with you? Don’t worry, karma will grab you by the scruff of the neck and give you a good talking-to on Thursday. Maybe then you will appreciate what you have.

Cancer: You think you have the best poker face ever, but everyone around you knows your game is Candyassland. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you don’t try to up the ante.

Leo: You’ve had a lot of hard knocks lately, enough to make even your attitude stumble backwards. Grab the doorframe and breathe in; karma’s giving you a chance to punch back and win.

Virgo: There’s a lot in your life to be proud of, but what you did on Friday night isn’t part of it. Buy up photos, erase memories and do some apologizing before the ferret gets a lawyer.

Libra: It’s all good fun until someone loses an eye. Be a sport and help them find it on the floor before some idiot walks in with cleats.

Scorpio: If you had a clue you’d be in the study figuring out what happened to the lead pipe you keep under the sink. Forget Col. Mustard, you need to call a plumber before you’re up to your neck in hot water.

Sagittarius: There’s a lot of love in the room, but none of it is coming for you. Just as well, half of it is probably infected. Use latex gloves and bleach when you clean up after this party.

Capricorn: Your talent for getting out of trouble is only rivaled by your ability to find it. Do the world a favor and rest both gifts for a while. Read a book, for goodness’ sake.

Aquarius: Life isn’t perfect. Your butt’s too big, your check’s too small, and you’ll never be famous. That’s okay. You woke up this morning, so it’s another victory. Celebrate it without complaint.

Pisces:We could say don’t let the turkeys get you down, but they give a pretty good massage. It’s okay to get a little hen-pecked, as long as you get up again to face the day.

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