Aries: Could it be that you’ve actually found a moment of peace, quiet and reflection? A time to consider what choices you’ve made in life? Egad, we can’t have you doing anything that thoughtful. Start planning a monster truck rally in your backyard immediately before you realize your mistakes.

Taurus: For you, it’s not about the journey. Heck, it’s not even about the destination. For you, it’s all about making sure the stove is turned off and the windows are closed before you ever leave the house. Grab that checklist, you know you want to.

Gemini: Into every life a little rain must fall, but this time it’s you piddling on someone else’s Wheaties. Reconsider that momentary meanness before someone racks you up during a courtesy shake.

Cancer: There are potholes no matter what road you travel, but you’ve found one so deep you can see the Mad Hatter. Keep your head and engage your four-wheel drive and find the pavement again.

Leo: Your days will go much smoother when you realize you’re not surrounded by a posse, a retinue or even your “people.” They’re your family. They do love you, but they will never make you look good. Piss them off and those goofy teenage pictures will start seeing the light of day.

Virgo: If all you see these days are greener pastures, stop and clean your glasses. Your field is fine, it just needs a little more crap slung around so the grass will grow.

Libra: Stop right now and enjoy today. This is as good as it gets. If that thought depresses you, then you believe way too much of what you see on television.

Scorpio: On Thursday, every light is green and every door is open. Take those chances and be bold; you’ll be surprised at the results. So will your boss. If you shock him too much, buy him a drink later.

Sagittarius:  After a bump on the head from a wayward woodpecker, you develop amazing psychic powers. You can’t predict anyone’s future, but you make a great living telling them where the remote is hidden.

Capricorn: It’s not a matter of you seizing the day, it’s more about you just sneaking up on it and giving it a goose. A good cosmic shriek can do wonders for your luck, but not so much for your eardrums.

Aquarius: You rediscover a piece of your soul you thought was sold off long ago to buy some strappy shoes. Plant it and water it: a whole new life may bloom.

Pisces: You’ve been quiet on the outside, but inside, you’re screaming like a teen slasher movie queen.  Things should settle down, as long as you don’t go naked in the woods at night.

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