Aries: You’re having trouble seeing the problem in front of you, and you’re bumping into furniture because of it. Pulling up your big girl panties and dealing with it will help, but taking them off your head first will really clear things up.

Taurus: Thinking about the one that got away? There are more fish in the sea; sooner or later you’ll find the one that makes your rod quiver. Just don’t dangle your bait in front of piranhas.

Gemini: You have a rare talent to make good girls go bad. If you buddied up with Charlotte, the web would have read, “McRibs and Tequila for Everyone!” Try to keep those little horns covered up until Halloween.

Cancer: Autumn makes your nesting instincts kick in but don’t try for homebody perfection. It doesn’t matter what twigs and fluff you bring home, your nestmates are only worried about that stick up your butt.

Leo: You always demand that the universe cough up some good fortune but you’ll be surprised when it actually happens Tuesday. In a related note, you might want to give some hairball remedy to karma and get your shoes cleaned.

Virgo: Stomp your foot all your want, but it won’t get you anywhere unless you’re a horse on the David Letterman show. Put your best attitude forward and no one will be looking you in the mouth.

Libra: If you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince, imagine what you’ll have to do to bag a wizard. Unfortuately, that’s the answer to your problem, so pack some baby oil, cauliflower and mosquito spray.

Scorpio: A few beavers have dammed up your stream, and now you’re facing a low-flow mojo problem. Think of something relaxing like baseball and you’ll burst through the problem in no time.

Sagittarius: A little help is always appreciated but too many cooks spoil the broth, especially if one of them has a headcold. Figure out this recipe on your own, and get a flu shot while you’re at it.

Capricorn: Going after what you want is fine, but there’s tenacious and there’s rabid. If you’re feeling foamy, back off before the restraining order hits.

Aquarius: Mother Teresa said every problem was a gift, but she never had to balance the checkbook while the poodle pees on her shoe and her teenager orders both pizza and ‘Naughty Nurses 35’ with her credit card. Give back what you can, and re-gift the rest.

Pisces: If you want good luck this week, buy a lottery ticket, rub it with a dozing ferret and hide it inside a chocolate bar behind the four-month-old Chinese takeout in the fridge. You may not win, but at least you’ll stay busy.

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