Don’t worry, WZ fans,  even the zombies can’t stop the weekly forecast! Come on in to read your snarky ‘scope for the days ahead. Afterwards, enjoy the interview below with Zombie Dating Guide mastermind Stacey Graham!

Aries: Someone asks for your help with a decision, but you may not be the best person for the job, since you believe ‘Compromise’ is a spray cleaner and your only gray area is in your underwear. Pass on this, and you’ll only be responsible for making your own life suck.

Taurus: An experience on Tuesday drags you out of your comfort zone. Before you run back for cover, mark the spot on GPS. You may turn off the klaxons and venture out on your own someday.

Gemini: You’re a master at spinning plates in the air, but someone keeps tossing more dinnerware into your hands. Stop juggling for a moment and break a few dishes over their pointy heads. They’ll get the message.

Cancer: You have a sweet, unassuming face, which makes it easier to surprise people with your wild temper and weird-ass schemes. Shift the imagination down a gear or two before you receive a white-jacket welcome to the laughing academy.

Leo: Vain? The main disappointment you have with a mirrorball is that it can’t reflect your image all the way around at once. Until disco technology catches up with your magnificence, polish up the toaster and enjoy some Vogue poses.

Virgo: If someone offered you a magic carpet ride, you would demand to shampoo and vacuum it first. While your obsessive tendencies make you a party pooper, you’ll be everyone’s best friend when flu season comes around.

Libra: Feeling cramped? You either need a bigger apartment or less baggage. Until that rent-controlled penthouse drops in your lap, alternate between therapy and tequila to pass the time.

Scorpio: You used to have a ‘Dangerous Curves Ahead’ sign posted on the highway of life, but lately it’s changed to ‘Falling Rock.’ Maybe you should undress the treadmill and work that mojo back into shape.

Sagittarius: Be vewwy, vewwy quiet; there’s a real, live lucky day lurking near you this week. Lay out a trail of chocolate to your door to lure it in, but don’t seize the day. It could bite.

Capricorn: Assemble all the details of your scheme if you want, but leave some wiggle room for the universe to do its thing. Remember, the best-laid plans usually want a cigarette afterward.

Aquarius: Look around; if there are clowns to the left and jokers to the right, you’re right where you should be. Laugh at your troubles this week; it will give them an inferiority complex.

Pisces: You are a walking, talking A-HA moment, inspiring everyone around you. Enjoy your new role as muse, but keep your own thoughts to yourself. No one else needs to know how screwed up you really are.

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