Aries:  You’re so used to herding your own luck, you almost miss out on a stray day of good fortune.  Rope in that wild mojo and enjoy it for a while, but resist branding it as your own; days that sweet should run unfettered and free.

Taurus:  Hearing the call of the wild? Better take it, even if you have to reverse the charges; sending Mother Nature to voicemail just pisses her off, and she’s a vicious drunk dialer.

Gemini: The third person you meet on Tuesday brings big news to your little world, so pay attention. Feel free to ignore the first two people, though, because they’re just not that interesting.

Cancer: Look sharp, because you’ll either land a new love or a new boss, so you’ll be kissing some cheeks. Whether those are up top or down below depends on your smooth-talking ability.

Leo:  You’re caught in a project so convoluted, it makes the TV show ‘Lost’ look like an E! Channel reality show.  Forget logic, just keep searching for a trail of bread crumbs that leads out of the jungle and back to sanity.

Virgo:  A Magic 8-Ball proves to be a valuable resource on Thursday when someone comes up with a lame idea that jeopardizes your cash and your health.  When that happens, pick up the ball, shake it, then conk the idiot on the head with it.

Libra: You find new solutions for old problems when a truck accident scatters rolls of duct tape and cases of chocolate across the highway.  By Tuesday, your worries will either be in a sugar coma or taped to the wall.

Scorpio:  The direct approach is fine when playing ‘Battleship,’ but not so good when you want to score at ‘Mystery Date.’ Keep your crazy contained so you don’t scare your new sweetie, but let enough out so your head doesn’t explode.

Sagittarius: Ready for vacation? Turn off the cellphone, ignore Facebook and go off the grid for some true downtime. If you do it right, you’ll be harder to find than a music video on MTV.

Capricorn:  You’ve made some worthy goals, so start saving up to make it all happen. The best things in life may be free, but all the preparation leading up to those winning moments will cost you an arm and a leg.

Aquarius: One slip during a cappuccino run gets you caught in a compromising position with a hedgehog, a Shake Weight, and  two NFL players.  Only the hedgehog has the grace to apologize.

Pisces: Reality is like Play-Doh; the best way to create what you want is to get your hands dirty and pound it into shape.  Choose some bright colors and make your world shine in silly, squishy glory.

Advertisements