Get out those fins and take a swim on the karmic side with Wisecrack Zodiac!

Aries:  Wishing you could be a free spirit but can’t afford the finance charges? Tell your footloose friends that nine-to-five isn’t for everyone, just those who like to eat.

Taurus: This week a lucky break makes you happier than a hamster with a new wheel and a water bottle full of vodka. Enjoy these summer days, but don’t drink and spin.

Gemini: The next few days will be quiet, and you’ll be thankful; you’ve seen more drama than a high school acting coach. Give thanks for summer vacation and watch some game shows, where tragedy only lasts until the next commercial break.

Cancer: The moon is moving through your astral House this week, which is odd, since it doesn’t make lunar house calls. Could it mean that a mother-in-law or Publisher’s Clearing House giant check is coming? Or did you just leave the curtains open at night again?

Leo: Lately, you’ve been busier than a centipede with a stiletto shoe habit; you’re always on your toes but you’re never moving fast enough. Step down to some flip flops every once in a while, and just shuffle through a day or two.

Virgo: You’re swinging through this week like a big band brass section. Forget about how many zoots it took to make that suit, and just roll with the style; at least you’re not re-living those love bead days.

Libra: Your mojo is smokin’ hot; if life is a bowl of cherries, you know what to do with the stems. Take a sweet bite or two and don’t worry about the pits.

Scorpio: Did you run off and join the circus? Because you’re shoveling a lot of dung and dealing with a crowd of painted dorks stuffed in a Daewoo. Perhaps you need a career path that doesn’t end with some kid’s cotton candy stuck to your head.

Sagittarius: Your family thinks you’re a few fries short of a Happy Meal, but that’s okay; too many fries aren’t good for you, anyway. Continue your low-fat ways, and don’t let the Hamburglars steal your cool toy.

Capricorn: Sure, it’s easy to talk about the rubber hitting the road when you’re the highway, but not so great when you’re the bald tire bouncing on the asphalt. Watch out for nails, and find a parking space soon, before you blow.

Aquarius: Are you hot to trot, but can’t get your honey out of the barn? When there’s cable TV, an apple won’t work. Strap on the chaps and spurs; you’ll get their attention. Yee-hah!

Pisces: Quit waiting for the other shoe to drop; you already have enough to start a shop. Relax, and enjoy the clear skies for a while, because there aren’t any footwear storm fronts expected for some time.

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