Now, revealing more than Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl, it’s Wisecrack Zodiac!

Aries: In beauty there lies truth, but ignorance is bliss; you’ll be happier with an ugly stepsister situation rather than trying to make life perfect for a demanding princess.

Taurus: Your love life is like the pro wrestling circuit, and your heart is about to get slapped down by a folding chair. Don’t worry, it’s all for show and you’ll be healed up by next week.

Gemini: Some days, even your flip side has a flip side. Try to keep those ends tucked under, because you’re about to unfold like an origami pocketbook in the days to come.

Cancer: This week, you’re the Bedazzler of the Zodiac, making things sparkle that probably should have been left alone. Remember, not everyone wants a rhinestone daisy stapled to their rump.

Leo: Hey, if life came with a warranty, we would forget the card and lose the receipt. Be thankful that all the little parts work correctly, because customer service with the universe can be a bear. Literally.

Virgo: You believe that there’s a place for everything, and everything should be in its place; you even have the labelmaker to show the way. Wednesday, all in your world will line up for one shining moment of organization, so enjoy it like a fine chocolate, then just walk the rest of the week off.

Libra: If sunshine on your shoulder makes you happy, then you’re way too easily amused. Turn off the 70s soft rock and spend some quality time with your new friends on YouTube; nothing says fun like a few hundred skateboard accidents on streaming video.

Scorpio: If your mojo is a no-go, stay on the down low, eat a few Ho-Hos, and work it to and fro. That mojo will be back in the flow, give it a week or so.

Sagittarius: Be careful in what you wish for; you’re aiming for My Little Pony, but you may get the demon horse from ‘Ghost Riders in the Sky.’ Just ask yourself: can you handle a wild stallion?

Capricorn: You’re a magician with words this week, performing sleight-of-tongue well enough to talk yourself through an M.C. Escher canvas. Enjoy your gift of gab but don’t sprain yourself, because the cast would be embarrassing.

Aquarius: Art and creativity influences you this week; painting, writing and even creative accounting seems appealing, especially if you’re a starving artist with no deductions. Be careful, there are certain works of fancy the I.R.S. won’t appreciate.

Pisces: The world is your oyster this week; slick, slimy and too gross to eat whole. Use your imagination and turn the world into a chocolate-laced trail mix; fruity, nutty and a little decadent, but overall a good thing to enjoy.

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