Think the stars forgot about you? Nonsense, you’re their favorite second-cousin-twice-removed. Just had to put the universe on Muzak for a couple of weeks to tend to some family business. But hey, karma knows your name, and she’s a wicked drunk dialer, so the weekly horoscopes are back to haunt your days. Read the post below for your warped week ahead while we try to get an unlisted cosmic number before karma falls off her celestial 12-step program again.