Weekly horoscope for July 14

Aries: The ram is really good at knocking others off balance, but this weekend leaves you teetering on a precipice. Butting out isn’t as easy as butting in, but it’s better for your psyche.

Taurus: Usually you’re all practicality, but on Saturday, you turn up that slow burn sensuality, causing your sweetie’s hormones to boil over. Hey, if they can’t stand the heat, put some ice in their undies.

Gemini: Sometimes you’re the Doublemint Twins, all cheesy, breezy fun, and other times you’re those two evil little chicks from ‘The Shining.’ This week, grab one of each to stock the cabinet, because you’re going to need them.

Cancer: Occasionally you can be high-maintenance, like a bad-tempered classic British car that no one carries spare parts for; before you wear out your welcome, take your friends for a spin and show them how irresistible you are. Afterwards, they’ll pony up the goods to keep you purring.

Leo: Sometimes you shake your mane to let everyone know you’re still king of the beasts, but usually you just like to hear yourself roar. Don’t be surprised if a lot of tender hearts wear earplugs around you; not everyone wants to be a part of your food chain.

Virgo: Feeling cranky? Work on your people skills a bit before going out this week, or you could end up with a drink in your face and an entrée on your head. Just trying to save you a dry cleaning bill, that’s all.

Libra: Ever watch the girls drink and frolic on ‘Sex and the City?’ Yeah, your week’s going to be nothing like that. Expect your downtime to include some PBR, PB&J, and MMA on the tube. Ah, that’s culture, right there.

Scorpio: You are extra caliente, and you know it. The downside of being so fiery? You could burn your own habeneros off. Chill out by Wednesday, or you could be just a sexy puff of smoke.

Sagittarius: You’re helpful and kind, almost to a fault; you even tried to rewind your DVDs before turning them in to the video store. But someone’s trying to yank your chain again, and you’re getting tired of it. Grab your own chain, swing it a couple of times, then threaten to wrap it around their neck—your crank yanker should back off fast.

Capricorn: You don’t believe there’s no ‘I’ in team, because every committee you see has a gaggle of Idiots. Lower your snarl factor, and join a group for a good cause—they need your skills to make something great happen.

Aquarius: A great mood lights you up so much this week, you could be bottled as an energy drink. Invite the surly hummingbirds over for a sip, and your wonderful hippie vibes will flow out to the world, man.

Pisces: Are you a fish or a pancake? All that flip-flopping is getting you burned on both sides. Decide what you want, swim after it, and don’t be scared if you actually catch it—you really can handle the success.

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